November 25, 2008
Picks From The Vault: Man's Best Friend
Man’s Best Friend
UNITED STATES (dir. John Lafia, 1993)
Question: How has Lance Henriksen been in so many shitty movies? More of a question is how many movies out of 146 (according to IMDB) are actually good? I count 8 and his work on Millennium. This is not a good batting average. And he is actually a good actor when he puts himself into a role (Near Dark is hands down one of the greatest vampire films of all time and he carries the movie) and at this point he seems to just be working to cash in checks (Abominable? Really?).
Anyway this stinker is from the early nineties and I remember thinking it was stupid even as a kid. Although the box art was awesome: a half-robot dog and Lance Henriksen with a gun. It promised big things. The movie itself does not deliver. A mix of anti-animal cruelty (which ends in the death of the animal), comedy, and horror the film never gets going. I mean this is a dog who can climb vertically up houses and trees, turn invisible like the predator, out think humans, and piss acid. It’s like Krypto on steroids. Ally Sheedy is the dogs love interest (he even turns out to be a bit pervy and spies on Ally Sheedy and her boyfriend having sex through a locked door). Also he is good in bed, as demonstrated by the howl of the collie that he beds just to show how much of a pimp he is. His sperm is also super, and leaves room for a sequel that thankfully never happened.
Anyway this movie is enjoyable as a background movie, but not much else. It was brought to us by a man whose only solid film was Child’s Play 2 and that’s not saying much. In recent years he’s unleashed 10.5 and its sequel on human kind. Clearly he should stop while he’s ahead. This movie has only one redeeming scene: Max (the dog) climbs up a tree and swallows a cat whole like a snake. This was preceded by a fart joke. That’s how good this movie is.
Someone give Lance Henriksen a good role. I feel this man deserves it.
